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Last night I had another dream where I was alone. Alone with 2 little kids. Alone wanting a helpmate, friend, partner, lover… wanting a husband. In this particular dream I was actually going on a blind date with someone I met on Eharmony. My life felt empty and I was trying to find the one “My soul loves” (Song of Solomon 3:4). Then I woke up.
I felt guilty that I had this dream when I was happily married. I loved my husband, my children, and my life. I truly felt blessed by God. I struggled with this dream (and the others I had of similar nature) until I was reading a LEOW blog post and realized, I’m not the only one who has these dreams.
It is actually very common for wives of police officers and soldiers to have these dreams. It is common because we are faced daily with the potential of their deaths. We have talked about wills, funeral plans, death notification and the process of notifications. We have known, seen, or heard of other officers or soldiers who were killed doing the exact same thing that our husbands do every day. It is an unfortunate reality that the one we love is doing a job where they are in danger everyday.
We support and encourage them as best we can. However, we are human. I have heard our dreams are often our brains processing information around us. Trying to make sense of it all. In the case of the dream I had last night… There had just been two deaths of LEO’s in the city where my husband works. My brain and heart had a lot to process. It is a great encouragement to me in times when the fears of our everyday life feel overwhelming to remember that nothing happens without God allowing it to. I remember that He loves my husband more than I ever could. He DIED for Him. If God allows him to die then He will give me the strength to handle it. He will be there to comfort me. He is always there for me to turn to. So, when I wake from those dreams, or have those fears I pray for my husband's safety, I thank God for His protection, His presence and the time I have with my LEO.
(If you need someone to talk to who truly understands these thoughts and fears, please reach out to me! I'm here for you.)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11
“but I found him whom my soul loveth. I held him and would not let him go…”Song of Solomon 3:4